Worst Recent Car Advert – Motherhood & Fatherhood

After a brief absence (I will never write a 4-part post ever again) there are some new adverts to talk about. The most memorable are two for the Fiat 500L entitled ‘Fatherhood’ and ‘Motherhood’. You may have seen them already without even realising, but that only means their influence has been insidious.

After the click we’ll get depressed about parenting because apparently that sells cars.

 

Half-Naked Men With Flowers

Warning: this blog post is all about flowers. Pretty, harmless and aromatic flowers. It also involves half-naked men with their bulging shoulders, glistening chests and abs so sculpted you could grind meat on them:

 Which demographic do you imagine this is aimed at?

It’s a shame they all look quite goofy and awkward but just look at the biceps of that one at the back, in the knee high shorts and the wellington boots. And the guy on the right with the curly hair? With the slight stubble and shoulders so broad he could be used as a raft? Wait, what was I talking about? Something about flowers? Alright, fine, after the click let’s start talking about flowers or whatever.

Lynx - Sex Up A Stereotype

I’ve already discussed how the sexuality of Lynx is changing – women are no longer purely trophies with no personalities and men are afflicted with premature perspiration. There was almost gender equality in the last one we looked at. Now they’ve grown even closer to human! This is a series of adverts presented as a banner at first:

 Make a selection from this buffet of nameless sex objects!

Depending on which girl you pick, you’ll be directed to a quick one-minute advert about how to keep up with each of the girls. All of which involves the use of Lynx shower gel, obviously. Some of them are pretty hilarious but I’ll tell you about my favourite at the very end, after the click.

Sex in Video Games

Sex. Sexy, sexy sex! Some call it shagging; others call it ‘making the beast with two backs’; almost no one calls it ‘dancing the f**k fandango’ but they should because that’s hilarious. Since mankind realised they could represent concepts with symbols, some of those symbols have been about dancing the f**k fandango. Who can blame them?

 Cave men loved big butts, they could not lie

Read more about three of everyone's favourite subjects - sex, video games and sex in video games - right after the click!

Gender Equality in Lynx Adverts - Everybody Wants to Bone

For years the Lynx adverts had a predictable, recognisable motif. But for a little while it was undermined. We’ll get to that later. This is the archetype: a man sprays Lynx deodorant on himself and becomes irresistible to women. They swarm towards him like a terrifying blend of ravenous wolves and starving locusts. For example in this 1-minute advert from 2006 where women literally cross forests, mountains and oceans in their bikinis, summoned by the stench of deodorant:

I bet that advert was a lot of fun to film.

There's more realistic adverts after the click - but not much more realistic.

Flesh Gordon II: Cosmic Cheerleaders (NSFW)

FLASH! AH-AAaawww no, not even. Not this time. 

In 1989, nine years after the iconic Flash Gordon was released, the universe briefly twisted into a vortex of evil before snapping back into place like nothing had happened. But something had happened. Something had crossed into our dimension from... elsewhere, and it was Flesh Meets the Cosmic Cheerleaders.

So 80s

Yeah, nostalgia about the 80s is fun. But this was 1989 – the year the 80s came to die. This is the film that buried the bodies:

As you can see, we're in for quite an interesting experience after the click.

Flesh Gordon - NSFW, Spoilers, WTF

FLASH! AH-AAA!

There, now that song will be in your head for hours. If you don’t know it, then you’ve never seen the epic glory that is Flash Gordon. He’s the saviour of the universe:

You too can forever emblazon your camp science fiction opera on the minds of everyone with the magical music of Queen. Just ask Ben Elton! You can read all about it after the click.