Zombies vs Nuclear Power - How To Survive

Like you, I have a Zombie Plan. It’s very interesting what your plan can sometimes say about you. Some people want to kill themselves immediately to avoid the trauma and constant burden of hardcore survival. If they’re running zombies then even I will admit this is a strong Plan B. Some people want to head north and wait for the zombies to freeze. Some want to head south where it’ll be warm and fertile. Some just want to go zombie-hunting. Some want to loot. Some want to seal themselves underground in a nuclear fallout shelter. Some want to find a blimp and coast breezily over the apocalypse.

Yes this seems feasible

Those people in the fallout shelter might have the right idea. The other day someone pointed out to me that nuclear power plants require constant attendance. Otherwise within two weeks, the coolant will have evaporated. That’s an important component. Without it, people start using words like ‘radiation poisoning’ and ‘disaster’ and ‘meltdown’. There are currently nine active nuclear power plants in the UK.

After the break, we’ll see how this factor can be included in the Zombie Plan.

9 Methods of Immortality - How to Survive Them

There are lots of forms of immortality. Humanity loves to think and dream about it above all else. This might be motivated by fearing the oblivion that awaits us when our bodies finally succumb to destruction or inevitable entropy, but once you get past that there’s also the inconvenience. I want to see this crazy ride through to the very end, whether that’s nuclear genocide next week or transcending the material plane a billion years from now. I also want to see everything that comes afterwards, like in that Future Is Wild show. Indeed, being alive is like watching an incredible TV series with dozens of characters that I really care about but knowing that I’ll probably die before I find out how it all ends.

Naming no names…

Of course, for preference I’d rather witness all of human history with a time machine. I could skip all the waiting around for the future to happen and also witness the past too. But if my only option is the slow way then I’ll take it. So let’s have a quick chat about the various slow ways, after the click!

That Damn Wall - The Awful Time Cop Method

Yep, I said ages ago that I’d talk about Time Cop and now I’m going to. Here’s a trailer for Time Cop voiced by none other than The Voice himself, Don LaFontaine!

Read more after the click!

Illuminati Olympics - 4 (Stupid) Clues

When viewed as a whole the Illuminati are a socialist, Catholic, fascist, French, racist, Jewish, homosexual, German, monarchist, African, scientific, communist, imperialist, Satanist, anti-semitic, extra-terrestrial organisation dedicated to global exploitation, domination and genocide. They’re pretty much the most famous secret organisation ever, referenced in everything from historical essays to comic books, from newspapers to music. These are all quite remarkable achievements, especially considering THEY DON’T EXIST.

 The Freemasons do exist but they’re also irrelevant

Everyone kind of agrees (mostly) that the Illuminati love to show off. They put arrogant little signs everywhere. It’s pretty stupid though because these clues are always spotted. It might just be me, but if I was running a secret global conspiracy I wouldn’t publicise it. I might take it seriously.

This. Stuff like this. This is a waste of important conspiracy funds

In the truest ways of apophenia (finding meaningful patterns where there are none) some conspiracy theorists have decided the Olympics are another such Illuminati project. After the click, read about the top 4 most commonly referenced pieces of evidence:

Spotlight on Robin - Generations of Red Tunics

There will be spoilers. OBVIOUSLY.

After I decided it was better to live in Gotham over Metropolis (because both are dangerous but one is more fun and relaxed), I also expressed a huge number of insights into the nature of Superman: his radiation poisoning gives him telekinetic abilities. After this it was suggested that I do the same for Batman. But his story is incredibly well known and unsurprising, apart from a few obscure conspiracy theories. His parents died and he went on a self-destructive international journey but happened to learn ninja and detective skills on his way. Big whoop. You know whose stories are interesting, though? Dick Grayson, Jason Todd, Tim Drake, Stephanie Brown and Damian Wayne. That’s right, Robin. There’s a lot to know about Robin and most people don’t know anything. Yes, Robin sometimes wasn’t even a boy!

This image confuses my sexuality

Read more after the bat-click:

Wagon Wheels - The Truth Is In There

Wagon Wheels are great. For those of you who don’t know or if you’re diabetic, you’re seriously missing out. A Wagon Wheel is a biscuit, marshmallow and chocolate disc made out of deliciousness.

They also sometimes have jam or caramel inside. Seriously

The new promotion campaign, involving almost every element of social media, is based on how aliens are controlling you via these Wagon Wheels. Read more after the click!

Tugs - Thomas the Tank Engine Multiplied by Epic

In 1988, the creators of Thomas the Tank Engine decided the market was ripe for more industrial vehicles with human faces. They created ‘Tugs’, which was much more dramatic than you’d expect.

Read about the grit, the boats, the fires and the dockyard EXPLOSIONS after the click! That's right, explosions!

Gotham vs Metropolis

I’ve been playing a lot of DC Universe Online since it became free (when I can get onto the server). If you’re not familiar with it, it’s an MMORPG set in the world of Superman, Batman and the Justice League etc. It’s a world populated by aliens, witches, geniuses, psychopaths and heroes. You get to design a superhero (or villain), go on missions and earn experience in the standard MMORPG way.

This game makes the differences between Gotham and Metropolis very clear. One city is dirty and decaying, bathed in both eternal night and heavy rain. In the other, everything is clean glass and shiny steel, and it’s always a bright sunny day. I’ll let you guess which one is which.

Hint: nobody can see the bat-signal in daylight

Where would you rather live? Based on the above summaries, you’d think everyone would immediately choose Metropolis. But the opposite is true – most internet surveys turn up Gotham as the city of choice. Why is this?

Let's find out after the click!