Wagon Wheels - The Truth Is In There

Wagon Wheels are great. For those of you who don’t know or if you’re diabetic, you’re seriously missing out. A Wagon Wheel is a biscuit, marshmallow and chocolate disc made out of deliciousness.

They also sometimes have jam or caramel inside. Seriously

The new promotion campaign, involving almost every element of social media, is based on how aliens are controlling you via these Wagon Wheels. Read more after the click!

 

Like many, many people I completely forgot that Wagon Wheels existed. But the adverts are all about reminding you, catching your attention with whispered panic and glimpses of horror. Check out this 40 second advert, and keep an eye on the girl Abi.

The girl started out quite sceptical about all this ‘martian-mallow’ nonsense, eager to chomp down on Wagon Wheels (they are SO chomp-able). But playing the old Wagon Wheels jingle backwards apparently reveals a hidden alien message, ‘EARTH WILL SOON BE OURS’. Then some other stuff happens in a wobbly-cam style montage and the girl is the one who delivers the tagline, ‘the truth is in there’. Get it? In there? Because one of the X Files quotes is ‘the truth is out there’? Classic.

Since you’re asking, yes I would like a free box of Wagon Wheels

It worked very well, because the next time I saw a packet of Wagon Wheels in the shop I leaped at them like a rabid monkey. But this is… kind of opposite effect that the kids in the advert wanted, isn’t it? They’re trying to warn us about Wagon Wheels. You’d think we wouldn’t want to eat more of them! I’M EATING ONE RIGHT NOW! Then I’ll need to go and buy some more because this is my last one. God they're tasty.

Watch this quick 2 minute video where they explore some crop circles. For a start, yes there is a blog and yes you should check it out. The online presence continues at the Flickr page or the Twitter account. This is a proper internet campaign that's both fun to chase down and also pretty impressive. They have articles, references to 'legitimate' crop circles and alien sightings, stuff like that. Even the comments on their blog articles support the fun little fiction. That is, if it is fiction…

If Martians are really trying to suppress us with martian-mallow then I’m not too worried. Their plot seems really… subtle. It’ll probably be a few years until it comes to fruition, and even then we’ll be up against aliens who use marshmallow and crop circles as mind control. What do they use for weapons, liquorice swords?

We already have marshmallow guns. I think we may be winning the arms race

The kids from the advert are so keen for you to help that they’ll even reward you with an Xbox Kinect and Gold Membership. That’s not too shabby, eh? Follow the link and then their instructions – it’s like a timed map-browsing game or something. I did it in under 5 minutes but I was also aiming not to win, just in case the runners up get free Wagon Wheels as a consolation prize. I mean, it's not been mentioned anywhere, but a guy can hope. I’d appreciate that just as much, or potentially more, than an Xbox.

And finally, look at this advert about the last push of the Martian insurgents. Smaller Wagon Wheels! I disapprove of making them smaller because why would you want to do that? But if it makes them more popular or cheaper to produce, then it’s obviously the right move for the company. Or the Martians or whatever. I guess I’ll support them in this small-making, this en-small-ening, especially if it means Wagon Wheels will be around for my whole life.

What would be really cool is if, at the completion of the marketing campaign, there was a short video about how the kids saved us all from the Martians and the unrequited love plot is resolved (there should also be an unrequited love plot obviously). I really want to see this narrative develop! We could get Roland Emmerich to direct!

Now I can’t look at this without thinking about Wagon Wheels

Burton’s Foods produces Wagon Wheels in the UK. I’ll probably forget about Wagon Wheels again one day (I’d forget my own name if people didn’t keep calling me by it), and I sincerely hope that when that happens, they don’t wait another ten years to remind me. Never leave me, Wagon Wheels. You complete me.