Mazuma Mobile - The Terrible Truth

Mazuma is a service that will buy your ‘old’ phone when you can’t sell it to your friends or the local dodgy phone shop. Their mascot is a little red creature that is adorable and also incredibly irritating to look at. Just look at that asshole's little face:

So pleased with itself

I want to just gently pick it up and snuggle it against my face, possibly with a tiny eskimo kiss. But I also can’t stand to look at its smug expression. I share these conflicted emotions with the actors in their adverts, which is good since they’re forcing their cute little pal into an envelope and selling it to the unknown. What awaits beyond the envelope? Slavery? Violence? Death? Should you feel bad for the poor little asshole? Find out more after the click.

Zombies vs Nuclear Power - How To Survive

Like you, I have a Zombie Plan. It’s very interesting what your plan can sometimes say about you. Some people want to kill themselves immediately to avoid the trauma and constant burden of hardcore survival. If they’re running zombies then even I will admit this is a strong Plan B. Some people want to head north and wait for the zombies to freeze. Some want to head south where it’ll be warm and fertile. Some just want to go zombie-hunting. Some want to loot. Some want to seal themselves underground in a nuclear fallout shelter. Some want to find a blimp and coast breezily over the apocalypse.

Yes this seems feasible

Those people in the fallout shelter might have the right idea. The other day someone pointed out to me that nuclear power plants require constant attendance. Otherwise within two weeks, the coolant will have evaporated. That’s an important component. Without it, people start using words like ‘radiation poisoning’ and ‘disaster’ and ‘meltdown’. There are currently nine active nuclear power plants in the UK.

After the break, we’ll see how this factor can be included in the Zombie Plan.

Adverts for World Cup 2014

I’m back! If anyone cares, the years of silence were because I went to space. For years. Yeah, it was a pretty big deal. They made me their king. You probably didn’t hear about it in the mainstream media. Anyway, I was called back to planet Earth because someone wrote this on Facebook:

Identity redacted in a fetching puce/violet shade

So, due to the overwhelming popular demand of one person, after the page break we’re gonna kick things off by looking at some of the adverts for the upcoming 2014 World Cup in Brazil! Get it? KICK things off? HA! Still got it.

Fantastic Future Factories - Cereal & SIM Cards

There is a massive hole in your knowledge, and mine. None of us really know where stuff comes from any more. At best a label can tell us the nation of origin, but how does that help us? This was especially obvious a while ago when there was a big news story about horse meat in supermarket lasagne. A lot of people said that the consumers shared the blame. We had been warned for years that food hygiene standards were unreliable in low-budget, planet-wide food systems – then we were shocked to find out what that meant. But if you can’t believe in a faceless international conglomerate, who can you believe in? I am literally asking if there are any brands we can truly trust.

Luckily, several companies have done something revolutionary. In the interests of transparency, they have produced 30-second adverts that show exactly what conditions are like in their main factory. It turns out everything is much more like Willy Wonka’s factory than we ever suspected. Let’s take a look at them after the click.

 

Worst Recent Car Advert – Motherhood & Fatherhood

After a brief absence (I will never write a 4-part post ever again) there are some new adverts to talk about. The most memorable are two for the Fiat 500L entitled ‘Fatherhood’ and ‘Motherhood’. You may have seen them already without even realising, but that only means their influence has been insidious.

After the click we’ll get depressed about parenting because apparently that sells cars.

 

Enterprise Car Rental - UK vs USA

Pull up your pants and pay attention. I meant underwear, not trousers, because I know exactly what you’re doing and it’s not required for this blog post. See the tricky language barrier that I just played with, between US English and International English? It’s a cliché that whenever the British and Americans talk, the subject will come up. And why not? It can be a good ice-breaker and dialogue improves international relations, as evidenced by the interactions between Brad and Dave in the adverts for Enterprise UK Car Hire (aka Enterprise Car Rental).

No? Well, come on then:

See? Comedy gold! It’s taken the advertising world a surprisingly long time to make use of this unique dynamic – or at least for it to register on my limited radar. After the click we can find out more about this hilarious comedy-duo character-act.

Vehicles with Faces - Budgie the Little Helicopter

I’ve written before about vehicles with faces, namely Thomas the Tank Engine vs Tugs. Tugs won although it never enjoyed the same success. But the work of Clearwater Studios is not the only time people have put faces on inanimate vehicles. One of my favourite Tex Avery cartoons (and there are a few) is Little Johnny Jet which is only five minutes long:

Ain’t it weird? Mr and Mrs Plane are shagging like rabbits! After the click let’s find out more about living planes, trains and cars – and also about the world’s most annoying helicopter.